Dreaming of ADHD

We've all heard of being a 'dreamer' and the term gets thrown around quite often. We've heard people's different dreamer dreams they feel they will never achieve but love to talk about it. 

"Oh I'd love to <DREAM> one day, but that's <EXCUSE>! What's your dream?

Me: 'I'm sorry but 'the' dream is singular, that's not gonna be appropriate here. Butt if you insist...

CHILDRENSBOOKAUTHOR, FANTASYNOVELAUTHOR, POETRYBOOKAUTHOR, RESTAURANTOWNER, SOLARPANELINSTALLER, NUCLEARENERGYSCIENTIST, SURGEON, WOODWORKER, RESINCRAFTS, METALWORKER, BLACKSMITHING, WEBSITEDESIGN, CODING, HOMEDESIGN, ARCHITECTURE, LANDSCAPEDESIGNER, BUSINESSANALYST, SOFTWAREDEVELOPER, GAMEDEVELOPER, GAMETESTING/SOFTWARETESTING, ORGANIZATIONGURU, LIFECOACH, MENTALHEALTHADVOCATE, PSYCHIATRIST, TEACHER, PRODUCTDISPLAYDESIGNER, CARDESIGNER, GENERALPRODUCTDESIGN, PRODUCTTESTING, BULLETJOURNAL/ACCESSORIESMANUFACTURER, AI-RESEARCH/DEVELOPMENT, LOBBYISTFORINTERNETPRIVACY/SAFETYSTANDARDS, LIBRARYOWNER, LIBRARYPROGRAMCONSULTANT, FORM/PAPERWORK-DESIGN/EDITING, YOUTUBER, INVENTOR, SINGER, VOCALCOACH, MUSICCOMPOSER, FILMWRITER, FILMDIRECTOR, DIGITALARTIST, SPECIALFXENGINEER, NETWORKENGINEER, HIGHLEVELSECURITYANALYST... Hey! Wake up, that's only the major ones so far!"

I've got a lot going on in my head. Nearly any topic piques my interest for a moment if it is new. And when I get interested in a topic, my mind optimizes and charts a path to the top in that field. Then I look at the path, and realize I don't have enough interest in that topic to really try and excel in it. Time for a new topic to get interested in. And so it goes over and over, building a never-ending pile of things I'd love to do because I got slightly interested in doing it, but not enough to stick with it or make it a reality. 

"And she believes in me

I'll never know just what she sees in me

I told her someday if she was my girl

I could change the world

With my little songs, I was wrong

But she has faith in me

And so I go on trying faithfully

And who knows maybe on some special night

If my song is right

I will find a way"

Kenny Rogers - She believes in me

I find myself feeling like a dreamer often trying to make my dreams work, but not ever getting there or being able to fully take care of my family. Kenny Rogers tells the feeling perfectly. I feel everyone around me trusting me, staying with me and supporting me even when history tells them it won't work. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. 

I feel like I'm up against the weight of the world but more importantly the weight of my own ambitions. I want to do too much, so I spread myself too thin with my dreams and never make anything a reality. 

The only answer I've come up with for this is just trying to organize and prioritize my goals. I'd love to design a car, I have tons of thoughts about improvements to modern design and I have a very practical perspective on feature sets and comfort. But the reality is I have only thoughts, no real knowledge or experience. No chance of really moving into that industry from where I am. So I keep that dream just as a thought and don't waste any time on it if I can help it. 

I focus on the dreams that are achievable, like finishing my network operations and security degree that I'm doing online right now. Being smart about my goals is one of the hardest but most helpful solutions I have to the constant overwhelming pile of interests/ideas I have. I have to decide what is attainable and important and STICK TO IT.

With love and insanity equally,

J.M.